Welcome to Svali Speaks!

This is a blog dedicated to Svali, who is/was a former mind control programmer for the Illuminati. She was groomed from birth to have a key role in the Illuminati and back in the 1980’s was forced against her will to marry another generational Illuminati member. They had two children from this marriage and they also were raised and tortured by the cult until Svali fled the cult in the early 1990’s.

She was severely warned by the cult to keep quiet about her past. She had been writing and speaking out against the cult and their activities. She has not been heard from since November, 2006.

There is no known verifiable evidence of her being alive or has there been any known contact with Svali by anyone that I know of. All traces of her have disappeared. I am a personal friend of Svali’s and I have not been able to reach her or find out where her husband or children are. She and her family have vanished. If you have any information on the whereabouts of Svali please leave me a comment with your email address and I will contact you. Thanks!

It is my desire that no matter what happened to Svali I want her writings to be available online for everyone to read. As you read them you will sense the validity of her story. I know Svali was telling the truth as I saw the struggle she went through to break free from the cult. Her story lives on through these writings.

(This is Svali’s intro from other sites posted several years ago. She has not been heard from since November, 2006 )

About the author:

Hi, my name is Svali. Both I and my entire family were involved in a cult group until several years ago, when we broke free. I used to be a programmer in the cult, and now I want to share the knowledge that I have to help others.It is possible to break free of cult abuse if a person is involved. It is a long, heart-breaking process, but well worth it. In the articles that I will be providing, I hope to help the survivor of cult abuse find tools to help in their journey towards freedom.

I have been a consultant to an on-line survivors group that helps people dealing with issues related to cult programming and becoming free, for the past year and a half. I myself have been in therapy for ritual abuse and DID for nine years, with the last five being aware of the recent cult abuse.

I am also a writer, and a registered nurse. I currently work as a diabetic educator in Texas 20 hours a week.

I have also self-published a book on breaking free of cult programming, which several experts in the field have said has “invaluable information” for the survivor of ritual abuse.

Both my ex-husband and my two children broke free of cult abuse last year. My children are living with me while my husband is working on healing. They all have DID (dissociative identity disorder, formerly known as multiple personality disorder) as well, which makes life at home interesting! I am currently married to my second husband, who is also a recovered DID and who got out of the cult five years ago.

I am a survivor of both ritual abuse and governmental mind control. My greatest hope in sharing on these pages is that the information will be helpful to others in breaking free of coercive cult control and help them realize that it is really possible to become free. My other goal is to help educate therapists and supporters of survivors so that they can better understand what survivors have gone through, and things that have helped others in their healing journey. – Svali

Svali on: Healing from the Trauma of Cult Programming

Ritual abuse is the systematic, continued, repetitive abuse of both children and adults by either an individual or a group. It can involve psychological, sexual, physical, and spiritual abuse. This abuse is often done in the name of promoting an agenda, or a group’s religious idealogy.

The victims of ritual abuse are often children, although adults are often abused as well. The victim is an unwilling accomplice in the perpetrator’s goals, although they may eventually learn to comply with, and even learn to perpetrate themselves as they grow older. Increasing numbers of survivors of ritual abuse are beginning to speak out, to give voice to the atrocities which occur. Whether the survivor was traumatized within an organized group, or by individuals, they must often overcome years of conditioning to be silent in order to speak and disclose their abuse. This abuse may have included torture, mind control, cult programming, or other methodologies to ensure the victim’s silence.

This page is dedicated to the bravery and courage of these people who are in the process of breaking free from cult abuse. To the courageous adults and children who are overcoming fear, and disclosing what their lives have been like. May others learn that they, too, can become free.

The Importance of Overcoming Denial

Often times it is much easier for the average person to look away when the subject of ritual abuse comes up. To believe that it is extremely rare. Or even to wonder if it is real, in spite of the extensive documentation that has been done that proves its existence. For more information on this subject, please go to some of the links provided on this page.

Ritual abuse is not going to go away, in spite of the desire of many to minimize its impact both on the survivor community, and their supporters. The more people become aware of this problem, the more hope that this type of abuse can be stopped, and that no more children will be wounded in the war that is being waged for their hearts and souls.

There is currently legislation that has been passed in six states outlawing ritual abuse, with other states pending. Legislators are becoming educated in the reality of this type of abuse, and are beginning to take measures to ensure that it is stopped.

There have been extensively documented cases of ritual abuse which have gone to court and been proven. Anyone who denies the reality has not read the current literature available on the subject. (See links for further info)

Resources for Ritual Abuse and Mind Control Please note that all of the sources below can be found on line. I regret that MSN will not allow the URLs to copy here (the editing tool erases them automatically). You may look up the addresses by typing in the name in any web search engine.

A.C.A.A. (American Coalition for Abuse Awareness) Mailing Address: ONE VOICE, PO Box 27958, Washington DC 20038-7958 Phone: (202) 667-1160

A.C.H.E.S.-M.C. (Advocacy Committee for Human Experiment Survivors – Mind Control)

I.S.S.D. (International Society for the Study of Dissociation) now ISST-D (International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation) Mailing address: 4700 W. Lake Ave., Glenview IL 60025 Phone: (847) 375-4715

M.A.S.A. (Mothers Against Sexual Abuse) Contact: Claire Reeves Mailing address: 503-1/2 S. Myrtle Ave., Suite 9, Monrovia CA 91016 Phone: (818) 305-1986

Sidran Foundation A non-profit organization aiming to raise awareness about dissociative disabilities and multiplicity.

Survivorship.org An international publication and organization for survivors of ritualistic abuse, mind control, and torture.

Ritual Abuse Ritual Crime and Healing

Persons Against Ritual Abuse Torture

North American Freedom Foundation


Until recently, I have mainly written about programming and methods to work through and attempt to resolve it. But as I am working on my own healing, I am coming to realize that while breaking programming is important (and often life-saving), that eventually it becomes important to deal with core issues. Core issues go beneath and behind programming, and often not only drive it, but sabotage the therapy process as the survivor attempts to heal.

These issues will be different for each survivor, since we each have a unique history. I have received emails from survivors from around the world, and have found that: *The Illuminati is certainly not the only occult group in the world; there are many other well-organized groups that do methodic, repetitive abuse of an occult nature. But in these groups, often the core issues are different than for the Illuminati *Even within the Illuminati, each individual will need to discover their own personal history, since parentage, bloodlines, and programming methods will differ, as well as the child’s eventual role in the group. This article is not meant to address all methods, or all survivor’s histories in the group.

I can’t speak for everyone who was abused in the group; I can only speak of what I myself am discovering about my own personal history, in the hopes that it will help other survivors through either validation, or to help supporters better understand some of the issues that they face during the process of remembering and healing.

The Illuminati are based in Europe, which is where their power base has always been. I remember being told as a young child that America was basically considered their “mission field” or the “land of opportunity” by those whose roots extend for hundreds of years or more into the ancient European dynastic bloodlines.

This is why their power hierarchy around the world, whether in the U.S., Asia, Australia, Canada, or elsewhere will always point back to Europe, where the 13 rulers (they also call them “lords”) are based. Each ruler represents an area of Europe held under his sway; and each one represents an ancient dynastic bloodline.

For example, the Hapsburg bloodline (Merovingian) is still active in Europe, although hidden, as well as the Rothschild and Battenberg bloodlines . In many modern European countries, the heirs of these bloodlines are immensely wealthy, and secretly are the “power behind the throne”, if not the actual rulers.

This is one reason why those of high Illuminati rank/descent in the U.S., for example, can always trace their bloodline or parentage to members of this ruling cabal in Europe; members of leadership councils in the States are always direct descendants, whether legitimate or illegitimate.

Whether at the lowest levels, or the highest, though, this group operates with the same methods: instilling intense fear and terror to control their members. Often this is done through the fear of death, and at the core level, the person who has undergone their training will have an immense fear of dying because of the “death and resurrection” experiences, or near death experiences, that they have undergone.

During these experiences, the very young child or even infant core will be faced with intolerable choices: to allow themselves to be extinguished, or to embrace the demonic and the beliefs of those in their bloodline parentage. I believe this is dissociation at its deepest level, since the desire to survive is one of the deepest instincts that God has given us, and will override intellect, cognition, and even well-thought out beliefs in an adult-much less in a very young child. When faced with certain death and terror, or life, albeit at a price that is much too high, the infant or child almost always chooses life (I have never heard of one that hasn’t to date, although my own knowledge and experience are limited).

Then the one who offers life to the infant becomes their “savior”, and worshipped virtually as a deity in the child’s mind and heart for “saving” them in one of the most wicked set ups imaginable.

In many cases, this is one of the child’s parents, and most often, their biological father. The biological father may not be the person that the child consciously remembers raising them during childhood; and once again, this encourages deep dissociation: the consciously remembered “Daddy” may not be the survivor’s real father.

Identity confusion is also layered in. The name the child goes by during the daytime may be quite different from their “real” name, or even the name on their birth certificate. A child of high lineage may discover that they weren’t born in the United States, but in Europe, if the ties to the European bloodlines are great enough; or even that their American birth certificate was forged, to cover their European one.

Each situation is different, and different bloodlines practice different methods of raising, mentoring, and training their offspring. For instance, those of German descent may be taken to Germany, and spend time with those of this bloodline learning the ways of this country, and developing a loyalty to what they consider their “true homeland”, before going back to another country to live under a different identity. Because above all else, children are called back to their European roots at frequent intervals to develop loyalty to their family home and name, and to undergo ceremonies meant to instill terror and ongoing cooperation, alternated with loving bonding experiences meant to instill deep love for the parental figures.

A child may live in Japan, but they will always know that their true home is in Germany or France; the child in Canada may know that their true home is the U.K., or Russia, and the child in the U.S. will long to return to “home” in Europe with the loyalty that is instilled, whether “home” is Germany, Bavaria, France, Moscow, the UK, Spain, or another country ruled by one of the 13.

This terror, this training, and the bonds of not only loyalty, but caring and nurturing that the child experienced through their true parentage, are often the most difficult and insidious to break. Deep terror combined with loving rescue and nurture create deep loyalty through trauma bonding, and breaking these ties at the core level is the most difficult task that many survivors face.

My prayer is that by explaining some, it can help others know that this does occur, which is the first step to uncovering it and working on it. I believe that deep prayer and support from others are the only methods of both uncovering these ties, and of breaking their hold. I am still working on these issues, and welcome others to share their experiences of undoing the hold of loyalty at this core level to the original perpetrators, and of breaking the spiritual and emotional ties to them. I will be more than happy to publish here anonymously any articles on this topic, as an encouragement to others who are breaking ties to the power centers in Europe. Because, ultimately, these men must lose in their bid for power. Scripture tells us that there is only one king on the throne: Jesus Christ, and that eventually, even the European roots of the Illuminati and their coming “prince” or antichrist, will be cut down, when Christ reigns over the earth.

Blessings to you, Svali

Q: Can the Illuminati’s family trees be traced back to specific towns in Europe?

A: Yes, and this depends on the branch. There is the German branch, the French branch, the UK branch, and the Russian branch. Each has roots in different areas of Europe. The towns of central Germany and Austria were the beginning for the German branch. They trace their roots from the Knights Templar who united the European nations during the crusades.

Q: Do they consider the Christian God real, but a liar?

A: The Illuminati believe in the deification of men through knowledge. They know that there are supernatural beings who help them in this process, but they don’t necessarily divide things into “good and bad”, rather “enlightened” or “unenlightened”. They believe that the Christian God is real, but that adherents of Christianity are one step short of enlightenment, that they do not know the “full picture” as they do. They see Christians as sheep who follow a nice story created to help them feel better, because they are “too weak” to want to know the “full truth”. (This is what an illuminist would say in describing the difference). They tend to be cynical towards the Christian God, to see him as a placebo for the weak.

Q: Do they consider their own god a liar, even if for “good”? If so, how do they trust their god?

A: They do not consider their gods (they have several) as liars. These “gods” have given them power, wealth, status, and everything that they have asked for. Yes, at a price, a horrible price, but they believe that nothing comes cheaply, and the higher the price they have paid, the more they value the gift. It is hard to explain this type to thinking to someone outside the group, because mainstream society wants to see them as evil satanists, and opposed to Christianity. They themselves wouldn’t put it quite that way. Oh, they will mock and downgrade Christianity, but only because they want its followers to see that they are the ‘deceived ones”. The god of this world has truly blinded their eyes. Do they “trust” their gods? As much as they trust anything. Remember, trust is not a concept in this group, where “betrayal is the greatest good” is a maxim taught since childhood. If you asked them, do you”trust” your deity, they would look puzzled, and say, “only a foolish person trusts what they cannot know” or some other maxim.

Q: Do they consider the Christian God to be a God of naive love?

A: Yes, yes, very naive, and setting His followers up for a fall. This is the extent of their arrogance.

Q: If they use torture and terror on those they love who are of lower rank, how do they distinguish between love and hate?

A: They don’t. They tell their children as they are torturing them, “I am doing this because I love you.” To them, the greatest love is to make a child strong, and fit to lead or to move higher in the group, by whatever means it takes.

If a leader sees a child, and wants it as a prostitute, the loving parents will give it away, happy that their child will rise in status. Also, again, they view betrayal as the greatest good. They will do set up after set up to teach their children to never openly trust others.

I remember hundreds of agonizing set ups and betrayals, and hearing when I was betrayed or wounded, “And such is the heart of man.” Those doing this to me thought they were teaching me something of value, that would help me. And because of the vicious and political nature of the group, in one sense they were right; the naive get stepped on and wounded. I have known parents who tried to spare their children some of this out of love, but often they were overuled by other family members, who viewed these parents as “weak” and “unfit” to teach their child.

Q: Can you list their religious beliefs in some detail? e.g. re-incarnation? Heaven and hell? Sin? Absolution? Elves?

A: Which part? Spiritual has many branches, including: celtic druidism, rosicrucianism, Babylonian mystery religion, Egyptian mysteries, and traveling the planes. A child will have to learn each of these disciplines, and others, as part of their training. They also have theta, or psychic training, as well.

The Illuminati have taken the best (or worst) of each of these religions, and incorporated them. Also, there is NOT just ONE religion that every group follows. In Washington DC, my main trainers were celtic druids and adherents of babylonian mystery religion. In San Diego,the Egyptian mystery religion is emphasized, in part because Col. Aquinos oversees that group, and is heavily into Temple of Set.

Here is a brief overview, doing my best to incorporate these beliefs. They believe that reincarnation is possible, because of the time travel that they do, but they don’t emphasize it in their teachings. They believe in a final sphere of white light, which to them is total enlightenment, and their concept of heaven. They believe that they are immune from hell, which is for the unenlightened. Their concept of hell is different than the Bible’s; they believe that it means being lower and never reaching higher in the afterlife (they believe there are levels there, too, determined by how one progresses here on earth).

To them, sin is being weak or stupid, and not using the intelligence or abilities you were given, or failing to progress. I never heard any discussion of absolution. If you fail, you are punished or killed. That simple. There is some belief in elves, sprites, and other small beings in the druidic branch, who also see life in each of nature’s creations.

Q: Some researchers claim that various items that people are commonly exposed to in society are part of the means to weaken their enemies. Therefore, I wonder if the Illuminati allow their own leading members to be exposed to these, i.e. the following:
a. chlorine and fluoride in water and foods;
b. vaccines;
c. medical drugs;
d. junk food;
e. microwaved food;
f. dietary supplements;
g. biochips;
h. mercury fillings;
j. chemtrails?

A: In general, true leadership is protected from much of the above. They are ORDERED to not: drink, do drugs, or anything harmful to themselves. They don’t go as far as junk food or microwaved food, since they don’t worry about that, but at meetings, healthy food such as granola or trail mix are given out during exercises, and they know the importance of good nutrition.

They will NOT put their top leaders through the extensive use of mind control experimentation, or implants, etc. because of the risk involved. These children and adults ARE dissociative, but they go through a special program that is different than for the lower levels. They do get vaccines, since even if the child became ill, a healer could fix them. And they do take medications if needed, such as antibiotics, etc.

Do they claim to use vaccines or medical drugs for genocide? I had not heard that when I was in the group. Everyone I knew was vaccinated and took medications, although vitamins and good diet were also important.

Q: Some claim that Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Charismatics, Pagans, the New Age Movement, Satanists, etc. were founded by the same plotters. Are these groups, or at least their leaders, considered allies of the Illuminati by their members?

A: Some of these groups have affiliated themselves secretly with the Illuminati (because of the money and free training offered), others are sympathetic, or at the least, respectful of them. The Mormons affiliated years ago in a meeting with Illuminati leadership in the 1950s. The same with the Jehovah’s Witnesses. I have not heard that Charismatics or Pagans were affiliated, the pagans are considered “dabblers” by the Illuminati. The New Age and Satanists are sympathetic to them.

Q: Do they respect real science or history in favor of “faith” in their own beliefs?

A: No. They will respect science, but they will try to rewrite history in set ups and dramas for children (where they purport to show them “real history” behind the scenes). Also, they will do time travel through portals, but I cannot say how accurate what occurs is, since I believe it is facilitated demonically.

The Illuminati teach their children that powerful occultists who were enlightened have been secretly behind the thrones of Europe, and down the ages behind the kingdoms of this world, since time began. True or propaganda? I don’t know. They teach their children that underneath Stonehenge there is a great room filled with the skeletons of sacrifices. Fact or fiction? I don’t know, and cannot fund the archeological expedition it would take to verify this or not.

How accurate their teachings are, I do question, since they also leave out the role of faith in God, and His ability to hold back evil. I believe that ultimately, God has been in control of human history, not evil.

Q: I’m very concerned about the New World Order scheme and my questions are meant to help me find possible ways to proceed in helping to defeat the scheme.

A: I know I sound cynical, but good luck! I really do wish you the best in this. I believe that it would take a LOT of people joining together, with immense wealth and excellent lawyers, to stop them.

I personally do not have any experience with any groups dedicated to stopping them, since I live in a small rural community and have no contacts of this nature. I do wish any groups dedicated to stopping this horrific abuse of small children the very best, and will pray that they succeed. But this is also a spiritual battle, and anyone who takes on this type of occult evil would also need to be aware of spiritual warfare. The Illuminists certainly use it against others, and anyone stepping into this arena without prayer would be very vulnerable, in my opinion.

Q: Have you considered starting a 12 step group like AA for ritual abusers and cult victims? I know from personal experience that the spiritual 12 step program works.

A: I believe that there are already groups such as this out there. I know that there are AA groups for incest survivors, and many also have branched off into RA [Ritual Abuse] support as well. Since I live in a rural area (population 100 unless you count the squirrels and cows), I would not be close enough to lead any groups such as this. They are usually found near large metropolitan areas. In fact, I drive two hours once a month to therapy, since that is the closest to where I live.

Q: Were you allowed to read and listen to what you wanted while you were in the Illuminati, or was everything censored? If it wasn’t censored, it seems like members could notice that Illuminati teachings about betrayal being a human attribute are false. Right?

A: Wrong. I was never censored what I read, but you have to understand their mind set. As a small child, my parents told me that everyone was secretly a member of this group, and that the daytime was a “facade” or “pretense’ that all maintain.

They would take me to friends’ houses for dinner, and afterwards a ritual would occur, so I believed them. I grew up since infancy believing that this was just how the world operated for all: people act one way in the daytime, another at night. I knew that there was mention of love, caring, and trust in books, but believed it was a “daytime” quality, and that the people who wrote of these things were writing from their daytime personas.

There was a complete and utter division between day and night from my first days of life. To question something, you have to be able to step outside it, and I never had the maturity, or any reason to question the teachings, until I was much older. Think about it. All around were movies reinforcing what the cult taught, the Disney films, etc; I listened to heavy metal groups, whose values echoed what I was taught at night. In fact, outside of Christian literature, there is not much out there that would engender trust in other human beings.

Q: I was shocked to hear you say you were forced to shoot a friend of yours. Are many members forced to shoot or kill someone, or is this just for punishment training? Is it just outsiders who are killed? Are you able to discuss the shooting, or is this too hard to discuss?

A: The friend was not an outsider, she was part of the group, and considered expendable. In this group, people are one of two things: “useful” or “expendable”. Everyone works quite hard to be useful. It is not a common punishment, in fact rare, but my mother was an unusually driven and ambitious person.

She was a head trainer, and sat on the regional council over the Washington DC area in the spiritual seat (the other seats on the council were military, held by her boss at the Pentagon, where she worked, his cult name was “Ashtoth”, a goverment seat, leadership, scholarship, and sciences seats).

Usually, they bring in outsiders for rituals or killing, but this was an unusually harsh punishment to teach me an unforgettable lesson (it did: I never made a friend after that. I didn’t like those higher than me, and had no wish to make friends with those she considered “worthy” of a “leader” and other nonsense).

Very rarely, in military exercises, those who were weak or kept a unit behind consistently were shot to teach the others a lesson (I saw it happen once). This never happened to the children of leaders, only those from lower levels.

Q: You say you begged God for a better home every night, but became embittered against God for not providing it. Were you praying to a benevolent God or to the Illuminati god? If the former, then where did you get your idea of a benevolent God?

A: This is a great question. I was NOT praying to the Iluminati deities, because to me, they were cruel and sadistic and frightening. I was praying to my child’s concept of a good God, from my reading, watching of TV, and also the innate knowledge that all children have in their hearts that somewhere, up there, is a good God.

I also had a few experiences with angels, and being protected as a child during horrendous trauma, and this also formed my concept that good existed. They never actually tried to stop me from praying, since positive spirituality gives hope, and can help prevent suicide.

In fact, I was forbidden to read about or seek any knowledge about the occult in my day life, because otherwise too much would be given to the occult and the risk of suicide would have increased. They are believers in “balance’, even in this area.

Q: You said “Papa Brogan” [see previous article] was the only kind adult in your life growing up. Do you mean he showed you affection? In what way?

A: Dr. Timothy Brogan was a professor at George Washington University. He was a specialist in neuropsychology, and one of the top Illuminati trainers in the DC area. He was also close friends with Sidney Gottlieb (another of my mother’s “friends”).

Anyway, he could be very kind as well as cruel. He would hold me on his lap, call me his “little one”, and praised me highly when I did well. He taught me chess, and would read works of literature to me. He told me I was his “adopted daughter” and that he was proud of me. We would hold intellectual discussions until late at night, and he imparted his views of leadership and training to me. Not all Illuminati activity is cruel or inhumane; he could be caring and loving as well. I would play with his children, who were older than me, and he would patiently answer my questions about science, geography, and other topics. I bonded completely to him, which made the torture and sexual abuse especially painful and betraying.

Q: You say you had a core split, over 7,000 fragments and 16 internal systems. You mean you developed split personalities who weren’t aware of each other? If so, did any of these personalities seem to have a fairly nice life?

A: Yep, split personalities. Most of the people I knew in the Illuminati were fairly fragmented (in fact, I cannot think of anyone who was not dissociative to some degree). Even the local and regional leaders all come in for regular “programming tune ups” as Jonathan and I used to call them. The largest split was between the front and back; ie. daily life and night life. Most, but not all, of the night alters could communicate, or at least the controllers and the higher parts inside could (and relay information to those beneath them). And yes, many of my personalities had a wonderful life. I had 140 created to deal with daytime life, such as work, friends, and fun (who have coalesced).

Many of my back people had good experiences, such as the ones I described above with Dr. Brogan. Others were pampered and praised, told that I would be a leader in the coming “New Order” (of course, they tell everyone that….). I was to be a mediator between governmental figures in different nations because of my language abilities and people mediation skills. Many of my internal parts were quite proud of their abilities and accomplishments in the group, and grieved heavily when I left.

Q: Are the non-German Illuminists not Nazis, racist white supremacists, or genocidal maniacs? And, if the leadership in all countries is Illuminati, that must mean they’re of all races, which seems to mean the white supremacists oppose the non-white Illuminati. Is this right?

A: Not all Illuminist groups are as fanatically anti-racial as the German branch is, although many are. These people are racist in the extreme, but they are also very practical, and realize that world domination is not possible without the aid of non-white races. That is why loyal figures in these countries are being promised leadership positions for their area, under the supervision of Illuminist commanders.

They also view orientals differently than other nonwhite races, because of the long history of occult mysticism in many countries (such as Tibet, for example), the long history of culture, and the high intelligence. This is why the oriental branches are highly regarded, even in Europe. But they do believe that Europe will be the center of world government and leadership.

Even in non-white countries, the top leadership is still white, or nearly so. For example, in South America, the top leaders are European in descent, with less of the mestizo mixing. In Africa, many of the leaders behind the scenes are whites, although there are local black leaders who have demonstrated extreme loyalty. They are using them, though, since these members will never be able to hold top leadership in the world. (Those positions are already taken).

All this said, I believe that the racist and hateful policies of the Illuminati are despicable in the extreme. One of my biggest quarrels with leadership was this position, among others. I hope this has answered some of your questions. – Svali

Several months ago, I sent a questionaire out to the professional community to find out the opinions of therapists who work with ritual abuse. I contacted the ISSD as well as several therapists whom I had heard of in the field. Why? Because I wanted a chance for the dedicated professionals who work in this field to have a chance to speak out, and I was also interested in their opinions.

I have changed all names, and used pseudonyms to protect the identities of these individuals and the clients that they work with. But these are very real people, who often work long hours, at times under threat from outside people, to help survivors break free. I cannot imagine a group of people that I admire more, next to the survivors themselves. The therapists who answered live both in the United States, and several countries around the world.

First I asked what percent of the therapist’s practice was ritually abused clients. The answers varied.

Jenny, a female therapist, answered: Yes.I never figured percentages. I saw several clients whom I suspected were RA but they never claimed memories of such.

Fran, another therapist, stated: Ritually abused clients have made up about 10% of my practice in the past six years. I consider it a sub-specialty.

Joann, who works in a group practice, stated: yes – though many only openly admit to being DID Is this your specialty area of practice? yes It is about 70% of my practice and 100% of my partnert’s practice

Alice states: Yes…usually they do not enter my office and announce that, however. It usually unfolds in the course of therapy, or they are referred following that disclosure. DID is one of my specialty areas of practice. It comprises about 1/5 of my caseload…and at one time was about 1/3.

John states: I work primarily in and with trauma survivors, mainly people over the ages of 35 and split about 45% 55% male to female. Yes I see a number of people who were ritually abused. Of those I work with about 30% were classic ritual abuse survivors…

I then asked: Do you believe your clients when they tell you they were ritually abused? If so, why? The responses were very interesting.

Jenny states: I believe that it is possible that RA memories are true. I cannot determine truth for clients.

Fran makes some points about her client’s memories: I generally believe my clients’ accounts of ritually abuse because:

1. I have obtained very convincing corroborating evidence.

2. Their emotional reactions and psychological symptoms make complete sense in relation to their accounts of abuse.

3. In one of my cases, relatives of the ritual abuse victim were incarcerated for multiple counts of sadistic sexual assault.

4. I am a member of a professional co-supervision group in which my colleagues have also obtained significant clinical and corroborating evidence of ritualistic abuse and mind control programming.

5. I am familiar with the professional research and clinical literature.

There are some aspects of some clients’ accounts that I believe may not be completely accurate, due to abuse perpetrated on drugged clients or deception by their abusers.

Joann shares her opinion: Absolutely. Who would make up those stories???

Alice makes a point here: I have never seen anyone I thought was fabricating. I have also NEVER told anyone of my clients that they “met a profile”, nor have I shared any of the “theories” that were prevalent in our field for awhile regarding conspiracy, programming, etc. I treat their memories with respect and, when needed, assist them in looking at the BEHAVIORS of their abusers and how it was abuse, regardless of the belief system. I see DID as an elaborate defense system involving all levels of personality.

John shares his view: I believe that initially they will tell me what it is that they have to to unburden the past. And they will tell me often times from the child’s prospective in an adult voice. It is variation on the truth. it is how they recall it at the time in my office, and it may not even be close to what happened but it does define the starting gate so to speak and it is my job to help work them through their processes not decern the truth of the matter. I am the professional listener not the detective…. I think many of my contempories get lost here.

I think it is important to note here that contrary to what some vocal groups in the media say, these professionals listen to what the client brings into therapy. They are NOT suggesting memories, instead, they are listening to their clients.

My next question was: What sort of groups are your clients reporting that “ritually abuse”? Are these organized groups with a religious/philosophical base, or are they isolated incidences? Have you seen any common denominators between groups, if this is what is reported? Any elements that make individuals or groups different in how they work?

Jenny states: Satanic cults; Christian sects, U. S. Government Are these organized groups with a religious/philosophical base, or are they isolated incidences? Both Have you seen any common denominators between groups, if this is what is reported? Any elements that make individuals or groups different in how they work? Pedophilia, sadomachistic tendencies
Fran shares from her experience working with survivors: My clients report abuse by Illuminati, KKK, and Fourth Reich. My Illuminati victim also reports abuse by national and international governments. None of my ritually-abused clients have single-incident abuses. All endured long-term abuse within inter-generational Satanism. Some appear to be more motivated by Satan-worship, others by obtaining world power. Common denominators: Satan worship is reported by all clients. Disgusting and horribly painful torture is reported by all, and there is consistency in the specific kinds of torture used, e.g., being hung upside down, skinning people alive, use of hooks, and more that I can not recall right now. Differences: Sexual abuse seems to have been more frequent and the perpetrators appeared to have stronger pedophiliac interests in my survivors of KKK and Fourth Reich than the Illuminati survivor, who appeared to be high up in the power heirarchy, where it appeared more specific to particular rituals. Only the Illuminati survivor reported abuse by political figures.

Joann’s clients also have shared with hertheir experiences with SRA: Most are isolated. some are offshoots of other groups (example – Masonic, Greek orthodox, illuminati) All involve abuse though the type varies – sexual, physical, emotional

Alice’s clients have also shared different types of abuse: A wide range of groups from aryan nation stuff ,to christian groups, to ancient fertility stuff, to the “chinese menu” approach. The only thing they all have in common is the abuse of power and children.

John shares his perspective: Variation on a theme of religion, although I have one at the moment that is focused on healing and not religion… oddly enough, and they as an organization are subject too a major investigation by the local Medical authorities/….

My next question was: Have you ever seen evidence that seems to corroborate client’s stories? Such as bruising/evidence of abuse physically; or testimony of siblings or family members? Threats against yourself from outside members of the group?

Jenny states: 3 clients of different age groups naming same group leader spanning a period of three decades. Also naming same ritual sites. To my knowledge these clients, being in different generations had never met each other.

Fran has also seen corroborating evidence: I have seen corroborating evidence, including mutiple survivors identifying the same perpetrators, and incarceration of perpetrators.I have had numerous phone hang-ups, for periods a few a day. I had one call at midnight – a woman’s voice

said “She’s dead you know, you killed her”. Nobody I know died.
Joann states: Such as bruising/evidence of abuse physically; (physical pain or sensitivities – ie body memories) Changes as a result of access by others including family members(this may be done knowingly or unknowingly). Threats against yourself from outside members of the group? No threats – just being followed

John has received threats because of his work with survivors: By the time that I see people generally speaking the abuse has long since stopped, but I have seen scars that seem to corroborate clients stories. Yes I have had death threats by the acting out brothers of three young ladies who came in for help. Their old brothers who now live as hermits in the bush, threatened to shoot both me and them if and I quote: Anymore talk of this sexual abuse thing keeps going end quote

I want to thank the courageous professionals who shared their opinions in this article. Part two will include: healing from ritual abuse, what helps and what doesn’t.

*Important note: This article does not, and is not meant, to take the place of work with a qualified therapist, which is essential to healing from severe trauma. The comments in this article are in general terms only, and are only opinions.*

Healing. That is the goal in the journey of healing from abuse, and I have a confession to make. The question I asked therapists in this article was totally self serving. I really wanted to hear what they had to say on healing, what helps, and what doesn’t. As a survivor, I was extremely interested in the answers.
Each therapist was careful to say that they were speaking in generalities, that each client is different and unique. That each person’s healing will following the path best for them. But there are some excellent insights that they shared from their observations over the years, and I felt that this deserved an article of its own.

The question I asked was: Which factors have you seen in clients that help them progress in their healing process from ritual abuse? Which factors have you seen that tend to retard progress? (I know this is a complex question, just a few key elements)

Ritual abuse often makes the survivor feel they are worthless, or have no rights. Jenny had some thoughts on this topic:

Aura of spirituality; sense of humor, lack of feelings of entitlement, strong support system Which factors have you seen that tend to retard progress? (I know this is a complex question, just a few key elements) Opposite of the above

Fran had comments based on many hours of work with her clients. Her response shows her commitment, and her client’s commitment, to the healing process:

Factors that facilitate progress:

1. Patience by the therapist.

2. Hard work, journaling, art, between sessions.

3. Having a greater purpose of helping others

4. Having helpful, loving, and protective support persons.

5. A religious base of hope and protection.

6. Valuing both their own knowledge and the suggestions of the therapist.

7. Crying, grieving.

Factors that retard progress

1. Maladaptive relationships

2. Being re-accessed or abducted.

3. Substance abuse

4. Over-dependence, looking for the perfect new mother.

5. Lack of support persons

6. Lack of a religious support network and belief system.

7. Lack of looking inward for answers, over-reliance on the therapist

8. Resistance to crying.

Those who have been ritually abused have often had negative spiritual experiences. Joann shares her perspective that includes her belief system:

Which factors have you seen in clients that help them progress in their healing process from ritual abuse? strong Christian beliefs, strong desire to heal, submission to the healing process Which factors have you seen that tend to retard progress? denial, unwilling or unable to commit time or money, fear, trust issues, emphasis on presenting alters rather than on programming/structures/systems , lone ranger counselors who burn themselves out

Survivors of ritual abuse have often had a multitude of painful betrayals in their lifetime. Alice shares her thoughts on this painful topic:

It always helps to process betrayal…all the betrayals from spiritual to parental. It also helps to label specific behaviors as abuse in the framework of healthy parenting and group dynamics.Sometimes clients have difficulty with their corrupted belief systems as regards themselves…i.e.- “I have no soul”

Survivors of ritual abuse often have difficulty trusting others, and John shares his perspective on this issue:

What helps the most is the solid listening and them coming away from session after session with a strong sense of being listened too. The second mostimportant eliment is to treat the presenting problem properly and that is usually a deep seated depression that masks itself in some other format. ODD or BiP or BPD etc. and to gain releif here and build trust over time….

One of the facinating things that I have found is that in the fourth or fifth year of treatment sometimes the depth of the dissociative aspect jumps out and you have alters in your office who have watched you for a very long time and they can finally trust you to share. I had one lady who had been treated for 8 and half years before I got to her and it was late in our third year when I meet the first alter. The Alters knew the truth of what happened to her and it was ritual abuse by her mom. It went on every day and on several occasions nearly resulted in the clients death, and all this happened per age three. Mom later confirmed this. I had used the principal of the ISH and garnered its support in the healing and the client now 39 has her child back, is holding down a full time job, is in a relationship that she is happy with and is clean and sober drugs and alcohol 6 years..She is on Rx for her depression and probabily will be all the rest of her life… but she is having one now.

I found these responses helpful and insightful. These are caring people, who have invested hours and hours into helping survivors in the often painful, but also rewarding, journey of healing. The fact that they took time from their busy practices to share some thoughts is awesome, and I appreciate and thank each and every one. In my thoughts, these people are heros, along with the people that they help. Ritual abuse is one of the most traumatic abuses to heal from, but the therapists and survivors discussed in these articles are doing just that. Healing.

Breaking Free of the Cult

Breaking Free of the Cult

One of the most important but also one of the most difficult steps that a survivor of generational cult abuse can make is the decision to leave the group that they were raised in.
Those who are naive, or don’t understand the nature of being raised in a group may wonder, “Why would it be hard to leave abusers? Wouldn’t a person WANT to get away?” The reality is a little more complicated, and my hope is that this article will help both survivors, therapists, and support people as well as those who wish to understand ritual abuse have a better idea of the issues that survivors getting out face, as well as some helpful ideas on safety.


I want to address these first. This is not to be discouraging, but to help identify the issues involved. If a person understands the obstacles to leaving, they can then begin developing a plan to overcome these problems.

Paramount is PERSONAL SAFETY. Threats against those who try to leave are real, and the person has been conditioned by witnessing the punishment of those who have tried to leave (see my article on how the cult programs people for more info); or even punishment for questioning the group or its leader. The psychological intimidation of a lifetime is real, and the person must be assured of physical safety before they will consider leaving a group that could literally brutally punish them (or worse) for attempting to leave.

It is very, very difficult to consider leaving, or worse yet, to discuss leaving in therapy, then have reporter alters “telling on” the person to the group leaders. This happened to me in San Diego, and the results were devastating. My inside parts who wanted to get out, who were working hard in therapy, were being physically brutalized at night to punish them for talking and remembering. This created a great deal of what therapists call “intrasystem conflict” , to put it mildly. Some parts became hostile at other parts who wanted to leave, and they began punishing them as well. In addition, suicide commands were put in by the head trainer.

The reality is that if a person truly wants to break free, they may become “expendable” in the eyes of the cult, or considered a security risk, and will often be told to suicide. In breaking free, a survivor and their support system needs to be aware of these realities. To not be aware that this is/could be happening will cause therapy to be sabotaged.

Even if the person finds physical safety, other issues need to be addressed as well.
One is ISOLATION. Often in transgenerational groups, the survivor’s entire family of origin, as well as their closest friends, and spouse will be part of the group (the Illuminati arrange almost 100% of their marriages, I have never personally known of a person in the group whose spouse was not also involved, as well as the children.) These members of the immediate family will be the ones most likely to reaccess the survivor. I will give a personal example, again.

When I lived in San Diego, I was in therapy for DID. All that I remembered at the time was a period of three years of ritual abuse with my father and his mother. I thought my mother “rescued” me from him when she divorced him. But my therapy was at a standstill. The more I remembered, the WORSE I became, and decompensated. I would go to therapy, talk, try to help my inside people, then would feel immense panic and fear, as well as suicidal urges afterwards.

It wasn’t until later that I learned that my mother was my cult trainer the first five years of my life; that my husband was taking me back to cult meetings where I was severely punished and programmed to NOT tell in therapy. Once I had physical safety, and broke off contact with cult members, I immediately began stabilizing psychologically. But the price was high. My husband divorced me when I told him I remembered; I told him his cult name, mine and the children’s, thinking he, too would want to get out. Instead, I lost custody of my two children in a long and expensive court battle with a justice system whose attitude was that ritual abuse was a delusion. (Fortunately, 1 1/2 years ago, my ex decided to leave the group, in part because of seeing me alive and well and working full time; and I now have full custody of my children, who are doing well in therapy).

I am sharing this to help people be aware that the price of leaving a transgenerational group may include (although each situation is different):

giving up contact with members of family of origin

giving up contact with close friends (the survivor has often been surrounded by cult members in their social group, including at church; my five closest friends were all members of the Illuminati and I had no idea). Often “cult twins” are best friends in day time life

learning that a spouse and children are all members
The enormous psychological pain of giving up these relationships will often make it difficult for the survivor, but if they continue in them, the chances of being reaccessed are great. MOST REACCESSING OF THE SURVIVOR COMES FROM MEMBERS OF THEIR IMMEDIATE FAMILY. This is one of the hardest tasks for the survivor to attempt as he or she learns good boundaries. What those boundaries need to be will differ from person to person, and their individual situation.

Another real, and powerful pull back to the cult, will come from the perception that NEEDS inside the person are being met by the group. The person will likely be dissociative, if they have been raised in a transgenerational group, and they will often have alters inside who have never known or experienced the abuse, who will be considered “high alters” inside.These part’s reality is that they were praised and told that they were special, often unaware or not caring that other alters inside endured the abuse. These higher alters may identify strongly with their perps and are often the alters that want recontact with the group and help drive internal recontact programming.

Frequently, when a person leaves a cult group, there is a real period of grieving. Social relations have been changed. Alters with special needs will feel that their needs are no longer being met, whether for belonging, for sexual activity, for power, or other personal agendas. The survivor needs to recognize this reality. A person will often unconsciously recontact a group if they believe that deep needs are being met by this group. Teaching themselves to meet their needs in a healthy and appropriate way will take time and patience, working with a qualified safe therapist who understands ritual abuse.

There may be PROGRAMMING to recontact the group. The survivor will need to identify if this is present, and take steps with the help of their therapist and support system to deactivate it.


While breaking free can be difficult, as I have discussed above, it is possible to escape a cult group and maintain personal safety. I will share from both my personal experience and that of other survivors things which have proven helpful in breaking free.

1. Safe outside accountability:

If the person attempting to break free can live with someone who is NOT a member of the group, who is a safe person, that will increase their own personal safety exponentially. Cult members from groups such as the Illuminati will hesitate to harrass or try to access someone while they are with a safe person, one who is not dissociative. One of the most dangerous set ups is when a survivor is living alone, or in isolation, or if they talk long walks at night or in areas where there are no people around. Abductions, kidnappings, or reaccessing may occur in these situations. The more safe outside accountability the survivor sets up, the less chance that this will occur. This could mean a safe roomate who is not dissociative; staying with members of a church, finding a safe house, or even a women’s shelter (although there are reports that some shelters and safe houses are being infiltrated by cult members; the survivor needs to be cautious in where they go and whom they trust). One grievous problem today is the relative lack of safe houses for people trying to break free of the cult.

One precaution: often survivors will quickly make friends with other survivors, since they feel isolated and alone without the cult group. The survivor may want to exercise caution about rushing into friendships, since many survivors, especially at the beginning of their therapeutic process, may still be in contact with a cult group. Each person will need to make decisions on an individual basis in this area to maintain safety.
2. A good therapist:

There are excellent therapists who specialize in working with ritual abuse. While qualifications among therapists will vary, a survivor can try locating one by contacting reputable people in the field for referrals, by contacting the ISSD (link is on the welcome page for my articles), or by referral from people the survivor trusts. Not all therapists who advertise that they work with DID are safe, but if the survivor checks out references and asks careful questions, their chances of finding a good therapist will be higher. I have personally had therapists who worked with DID who ranged from : a pastor in San Diego who told me he could “integrate me” in 3 months if I had enough faith (this did NOT happen and was completely unrealistic); a therapist who was the referral for a national christian counseling group for DID who told me that her brother had tortured her as a child, and that I was not DID because she, the therapist, often “lost time” and went through personality changes and SHE wasn’t DID (I stopped seeing her after two visits); a therapist associated with a ritual abuse and trauma program who was very knowledgeable, compassionate, and helpful. The last one, needless to say, was the only helpful one in my healing process! A good therapist will be knowledgeable about DID and ritual abuse; will BELIEVE the survivor and not discount memories shared; will help the survivor with achieving inter-system communication; and will have good boundaries. A therapist like this is well worth the time and effort it will take to locate, and can help the survivor immensely in the process of breaking free of cult control.

3. Stopping telephone access:

The telephone is one of the first avenues used to access someone trying to leave the cult. Hang up calls; calls with tones played, or with a tape or hidden message, will be used. Also, survivors often have recontact programming to phone their trainer or family members. One way to deal with this: take the telephone and lock it in the trunk of the car. This way, if a part of the survivor tries to get up in the middle of the night and make a phone call, they will have to find the car keys; unlock the trunk, plug the phone in,and make the call. Hopefully, the survivor will have time to “switch out” another part who will stop the call, especially as they work in therapy to block cult access.

Use of caller i.d.; answering services, or an answering machine (calls can be checked with a therapist or support person present in case an access message is left) can also help prevent phone access. Eventually, the survivor will find the parts inside with a vested interest in recontact, and can negotiate with them not to call or recontact. An unlisted phone number may help for a short period of time. Phone numbers can also be blocked to prevent calls from certain numbers, such as those of known perps.

4. Alarm systems:

Some survivors will have alarm systems to prevent unauthorized entry into their home. Again, this is best combined with a safe living situation, as described above. These alarm systems can also be coded by an outside safe person so that the survivor themself cannot decode it if internal parts try to leave in the middle of the night.

5. Share info with safe outsiders:

This could be a lock box with names of perps, and information, which the safe person will distribute if the survivor is harmed or access is attempted. The survivor can then mail a letter to this effect to known perps, to help prevent accessing or abducting of the survivor.

6. Go public

Some survivors have chosen to go public to maintain safety. The thought is that if they are harmed, they have shared enough info that an investigation will be done into the causes, and the cult group will risk further exposure, which they hate. Sharing information with law enforcement, with legal advisors, therapists, social workers, and child protective services can all also help maintain safety, IF the law enforcement officers, etc. are not members of the group. The problem here is that at times, cult members will infiltrate legal and law enforcement organizations, even CPS, to prevent cult members from escaping. The survivor will need to go to reputable, known safe people, if they choose to go this route.

7. Work on undoing recontact programming

This will take time, with a qualified therapist. It means looking at the trauma that placed the programming in, a difficult task psychologically. It will also mean addressing the powerful needs addressed above as well, and grieving when contact with cult members is stopped.

8. Prayer support

As a Christian, I believe that this can be a survivor’s strongest protection. A strong, supportive faith system, and prayers for safety can protect the survivor during the spiritually and emotionally trying times while breaking free of the cult.

These are just a few ideas on breaking free. Many, many survivors have broken free, and have used their creativity and strength, as well as the help of noncult members who wish to help, to maintain safety. My hope is that this article will be a beginning place for both survivors and their support people and therapists to look at maintaining safety. I welcome any comments or andecotes on ideas that other survivors and support people have found for maintaining safety.

copyright 2000 svali

*Important note: this article is not meant to be therapy, or to replace therapy with a skilled and qualified person, which is essential in healing from severe trauma. These are only the opinions of a survivor. Trigger warning: mentions cult abuse, dissociation, and trauma*

In order to survive ritual abuse, a child will often learn to dissociate, and dissociate heavily. The child has undergone some of the most horrific abuse humanly imaginable, and most find a way to cope. One of the ways that is encouraged in certain groups, such as the Illuminati, is to create an elaborate defensive system. In psychological terms, the child fragments, then fragments again. Eventually, the child has polyfragmented.

What is polyfragmentation? The term comes from the root poly, meaning many, and fragments. In complex polyfragmenatation, the survivor will have not only alter systems, but hundreds or even thousands of fragments, isolated parts of their mind created to do a job, and do it well and unthinkingly. Often the job is one that would be abhorrent to the main personality or presenting system. The further away from core beliefs, the greater usually the dissociation and fragmentation that must occur. In other words, a LOT of trauma has to happen to make a person do something that they really don’t want to do. And the person has to feel very far away from themselves as well when doing it. The cult will purposely try to create a polyfragmented system for this very reason. The person is more dissociated from themselves, and is often easier for them to control.

How are polyfragmented systems structured? These are individual, and will vary from not only person to person, but also with the group the person belonged to, the trainers, the abilities of the child, and tasks involved that the child must do. There is no “cookie cutter approach” in most cults to creating polyfragmented systems, but there are certain characteristics that are common.

What might a polyfragmented system look like? I will share some based on my memories as a trainer in this group, plus insights from my own healing process.

1. Protectors: these are parts that were created to do the jobs that had to be done, and saved the life of the young child. Cult protectors had to look mean and scary, like the child’s perpetrators. They also become perpetrators when the child grows into an adult, since they have no choice. They can be ruthless, angry, or may believe that they are demons. Some growl, some hiss, some believe that they are powerful animals. And all were a little child who was asked to do the unthinkable, forced to act in ways that he or she didn’t want to. They laugh at vulnerability, and trust no one. And with good reason, based upon their experiences in the cult. With therapy and time, they can also help keep the person safe from their perpetrators, as these parts will “kick butt” if they feel threatened.

2. Intellectuals: the cult WANTS intellectual alters who can observe, go between systems, learn information quickly and download it to outsiders. These might be recorders, computers, scholars. They may know several languages, and versed in different philosophies. Brilliant, cognitive, they often believe that they can outwit those around them, including therapists. But they also know much of the life history that the others don’t, since they rarely have strong feelings. These parts can “read the life history” without a tear or emotion. When they are out, the person appears “flat” to say the least, in psychological terms.
3. Denial people: these are intellectual, and are created to deny that anything bad ever happened. Life was wonderful, the parents perfect and loving, and the suicidality and PTSD symptoms are just strange artifacts without “any reason,” according to these parts. A person can have a full blown abreaction, and five minutes later, a denier will come out and say it was all “made up.” They are often afraid of punishment if the person remembers, and have severe trauma motivating them.

4. Controllers/head honchos/”top dogs”: these are the system leaders. They know what is going on at all times in their system. In a military system, it might be a general, in a protector system, the most powerful protector; in a metals system, the platinums, or in a jewel system, the highest jewels, such as diamond, ruby, or emerald. Usually there are several leaders in a system that share the responsibility. They can also become invaluable helpers over time if they choose to give up cult loyalty.

5. Child alters: these want praise from the adult leaders, and often come out for rewards, or sweets. They will report on others inside unless they can learn that it is safe to NOT do so, since they are motivated both by fear of punishment, and wanting praise from those above them. They are also often the “heart” of a polyfragmented system, and can feel love, joy, or fear and trembling. Often, they want hugs and to be told that they are “okay”.

6. Punishers: why wait for an outside person to punish you if you can create someone inside to do it first? Children will often identify heavily with their perpetrators, and if the punishment is severe and frequent, they will internalize the perpetrator to try and keep themselves “in line” and avoid punishment externally. The cult will capitalize on this, and often trainers will leave as their “calling card” an alter named after themselves. This one will be an internal trainer, or punisher, or enforcer. Their job is to keep things in line, and will often try to sabotage therapy. They are often fearful of external punishment if they don’t do their job. Internal punishers will also activate self punishment sequences inside (such as flood programming/ suicide programming, or other self harm sequences) if the person begins breaking away from the cult and the old rules. These parts may take time to conivince that they can change their old way of doing things, since they were often accountable to the outside handler/trainer if things weren’t kept in line.

7. Feeling alters: the feelings were overwhelming and infinitely traumatizing in childhood. It threatened the child’s survival and sanity. The solution? Parcel them out over several internal parts and/or fragments. Divide the feeling up so that it feels more manageable. Feeling alters often get locked away inside, and when they come out in therapy, the feeling may hit “full force” at first. A child alter may come out screaming, or terror stricken, or wailing in uncontrollable grief and pain, until they are grounded in the here and now. Often, feelings were heavily punished in the cult, so it was psychologically necessary to bury them deeply within the psyche in order to survive. These parts may be very separated from the parts that know what happened to cause the feelings in a highly fragmeneted system, so that the feelings seem to come out of nowhere, without any cause. With time and healing, they can hook up with the intellectuals inside who observed, and other parts who went through the same trauma, giving meaning to the feelings and helping to resolve them.
8. Internal councils: most cults have leadership councils of some sort. And many people internalize them inside. It’s another example of internalizing perpetrators, and these have a vested interest in “keeping things in line” until they realize that they can leave the cult and be safe. Then, they can become an immense strength for healing. A personal may have a local leadership council internalized, or spiritual councils that represent outside people, such as an internal druidic council or group of ascended masters that help run things inside.

9. Sexual alters: created to handle the overwhelming trauma of early childhood sexual abuse, they took the feelings it was too painful for a young child to understand. Some had to learn to enjoy the abuse, or pretend to, and were heavily rewarded for this response.

10. Amnesic alters: these are known as the “front”, the “clueless ones”, “those who don’t know anything”, etc. These have the job of not remembering. Otherwise, as a child, they were heavily punished. Usually, they are very glad to not remember anything, and the other parts who were abused at times envy them or dislike their “protected life history.” This can create a lot of intrasystem hostility or warfare, until the amnesic parts begin accepting that abuse did occur. Reminding abused parts that the amnesia saved the child’s (and their life) helped my system with this.

11. The workers: these do the jobs of daily life, and usually are part of the presenting systems. These take care of the house, got married, take care of the children, and may hold a highly responsible job as well. These are the competent parts created that hide the fact that the person has undergone a lifetime of traumatic abuse and degradation. These parts can also be a great strength, as they share that life can be good with other more traumatized parts inside.
12. Hosts: there may be a “day host” (see presenters), a “night host” for the cult, or hosts for various systems or times in the person’s life. Occasionally, the survivor of severe generational cult abuse may find to their dismay that a greater portion of their life was invested in and given to cult activities than day ones, and the “night host” is stronger than the “day host”! This happened to me. Fortunately, my “night host” was the one who left the cult, so she had plenty of strength and pull to give to staying safe and away from the group. I also had a “host” that had handled the summers spent in Europe, during those times in childhood, and a “hidden host” who never fully presented to protect herself from others (she manipulated the presenters to sit in front of her, telling them what to do). Each person’s system will handle this task differently. In general, the greater the trauma, the greater the distrust of outside people, and the more likely that the host will be a facade, or heavily protected.

13. Core splits: can be created from severe and psychologically threatening very early childhood trauma. This used to be done intentionally by some cult groups to create larger and more dissociated systems.

14. The core: this is the original child, the one who created all of the others inside. The child’s systems will depend upon the traumas and the creativity of the original child, as well as her need to protect herself from the abuse of others that might have destroyed her. In some systems, the core will be very young, or an infant, if the abuse was extremely early and severe. Core issues surrounding her will usually involve parents or parental figures who caused severe trauma. This might include abandonment, torture, or other forms of cruelty to a young child.

15. Function codes, access codes, halt codes, system codes: these are fragments that might be put in to do certain jobs, and are created to only do that job when called out by triggers such as letters, numbers, phrases, or other auditory stimuli. These are created with deep trauma and are very intentionally done by perpetrators.

16. Spiritual parts: these may have a variety of beliefs that cover different spiritualities internally. There may be one over-riding spiritual belief for the system, or several. For example, a spiritual system created by the cult may include aspects of Luciferianism, druidism, Temple of Set teachings, Ancient Babylonian mystery religions, etc. The host or presenters may have a completely conflicting religious belief system, and there may be hostility between the parts that hold opposing beliefs. In my own life, my presenters were strong Christians, and this gave the stability and comfort needed to bring healing to the parts inside. It also opened the way to begin forgiveness, one of the most difficult and important tasks in the healing process.
This has been an overview of just a few of the types of personalities that might be found in a complex polyfragmented system. It is important to be aware that each person is unique; that many people will have coped with trauma in their own way. This is not meant to say that every cult survivor has all of these personalities, but are one survivor’s opinion based upon her experiences and memories. My hope is that this article will help to educate others about this issue.

Copyright 2000 – Svali

Survivors of ritual abuse come from all over the world. This is not a phenomenon limited to the United States or Europe.

John, a survivor outside the U.S., shares his process of remembering: I did not always remember. As with many sexual assault survivors and because of the violence and threats done to them, I was not able or allowed to remember. In 1974 I was 16 and I saw the movie, The Exorcist. It triggered an uncomfortableness and because of the brainwashing and lies “my family would be killed” I couldn’t get consciousness and clarity. I ran away though on this subconcious and yet still powerful fear. I then got brainwashed again and it blotted out all my memory and the abuse that was happening then. In 1992, I met a ritual abuse survivor in an incest survivors group and after about six months of listening to her, I realised that I had been, and was then also being, ritually abused. The brainwashing was so strong that it took six months of listening to another survivor to assist me to have consciousness and clarity.

Abigail is another survivor who has always remembered some things: We always had part memories indicating such, though we didn’t know what to label it, i.e. going to grade school and then my father would show up with an excuse to take me out of school. He would take me to the grocery store he worked at and sit me in the cooler room to sort numbers for pricing. Even though it was very cold in that room, he would tell his co-workers that I was sick and he was taking me to the Doctor. We would leave at noon time and then there would be no memory for the next 3 days. I know it was 3 days because the note my mother wrote for me to give my teacher always said that I was absent with a 3 day flu. Other things were almost life-long inexplicable fears and reactions to things that are otherwise pretty much commonplace. Still can’t light a match but do ok with a lighter. The fear with an unlighted match in my hand is overwhelming panic and terror feeling very young. There are many others, too long to list here but they are this specific rather than general. Definition of ritual abuse came later in adulthood during a support group for sexual abuse survivors. We, as a group of survivors, were reading and working out of a book together. There were lists for identifying sexually abused girls and boys and then a chapter and list for identifying ritual abuse. All our fears were listed, our reactions, our body pains. All never had explanation before were now explained within the context of ritual abuse and as things fell into place, things began to make sense. Our reaction to this was more, “Oh no, no, that can’t be so!” then it was the “Ahhh, now it makes sense.” For us, memories have surfaced more in an age-based chronological order with only few exceptions, i.e. related issues at a later age.

Ian, an eleven year old child, shares his experience: I always knew I had inside people. I could see them and talk to them. One time, I remembered something, and two nights later, one of my inside people told my leader that I remembered, it was an inside kid who “squealed” on me. They hit me, and then they shocked me, yelling at me I was to never remember, ever, or it would be worse for me. They then made me run, shooting bullets over my head, and laughing. I was really afraid then, when I first remembered again, when I got away from them. I was sure someone was going to come and get me, or hurt me. In fact, at night, I need someone with me so I can fall asleep. Night is the worst, because that is when we would go to meetings. Daytime is great for me.
Svali also remembered gradually: I had struggled with depression all of my life, but without a reason. I was labeled “endogenous” depression. My ex-husband and I entered marriage counseling for conflicts. One day the therapist told me, “Won’t it be good when the tremendous guilt that I see in you is gone.” Guilty was out then, and I ran to a corner and crouched, saying “But if the guilt is gone, then I will be gone.” I then had a spontaneous memory of being hurt. The counselor had no idea what it was, and neither did I. That night, when I got home, while washing the dishes, I remembered my father abusing me. I ran into my bedroom, stuffed a pillow in my mouth, and screamed as the memory came out. The rage, the hurt, the pain were all there. As time went on, other memories came forward, all spontaneously, usually at home. I had always remembered my family’s dysfunctionality: that my stepfather was an alcoholic, that my mother would beat her children, that my sister and brothers and I all tried to commit suicide many times growing up. They had to cut my 8 year old brother down when he tried to hang himself. But other things I had blocked, because it hurt too much until I felt safer and was older, able to deal with it.

Frank remembers: I knew I was different. I would find things in my room that I had never bought, or would wake up in a strange city with no idea how I got there, would find out I had a job for several months, a bank account, a girlfriend! I moved around a lot, was afraid to get close to anyone, or they would find out my “secret”. But one day, I was in drug rehab several years ago, and it happened. My grandfather, one of my biggest perpetrators died, and I had flashback after flashback about him. I was given his masonic ring, and just looking at it, I remembered more. I went into therapy, and right away inside people came out and started talking. They figured that once he was dead, it was safe to talk.

Alex, a survivor from the West Coast, shares: I had no idea that it was happening until last year when I started to remember. I’m over 50, so there’s a lot to remember! I don’t talk about this with my family, I don’t want to hurt them. I have all of this stuff about my life growing up that makes sense now. I always knew my family wasn’t normal, that things weren’t right. I always had a lot of rage, I would throw things against the wall and scream and yell without knowing why. But now, I’m finding out where the rage came from. I am getting better now, and feel better than I ever had in my life, because before all that rage was bottled up inside, and now it is getting released and healed. Someday I will tell my sister, because I want her to get out too, but it isn’t time yet. I need to heal more.
As clearly illustrated by these accounts, many survivors HAVE remembered some things all of their life – or had indications that something traumatic happened. Others have progressed through a more gradual process of remembering. All, however, are courageously working at dealing with some of the most overwhelming abuse that a young child or adult can experience (and still survive): Ritual Abuse. I am greatly inspired by their courage and honesty in sharing here.

copyright 2000 Svali

Part one: **Important: part of this article contains discussion of survivor memories. If you are a survivor of ritual abuse, please be aware that reading about it may be triggering, and do not read if you become uncomfortable** A significant aspect of the ritual abuse subject is the testimony of survivors – those who are seriously engaged in the healing process. The uninitiated reader can scarcely begin to comprehend the journey upon which many such people from around the world have embarked. They are all ages, both male and female. They are working hard at exchanging old belief systems for a different world-view and an entirely new way of life. This is the first in a series of articles based on survivor responses to a questionaire I distributed.
All quoted passages herein have the express permission of the respective survivor and, for obvious reasons, I have substituted pseudonyms in order to protect their true identities. These are, however, very real people and each has a genuine story to tell.

Memory retrieval is a strenuously debated topic. There are groups (well chronicled in the mass media) who assert that repressed memories cannot be accessed as an adult, while other groups or professionals argue that yes, it is possible and does in fact happen. I thought it wise to go to the source – the survivors themselves – and discover what their first-hand experience has been. They know best how they remembered.

My hope is that upon experiencing what is shared here, you will be inspired by their sincerity, truthfulness and conviction. These are NOT people “fabricating memories” as is sometimes alleged. Several people have always remembered at least some of their abuse. These are people whose determination to escape from an abusive environment (both receiving abuse and inflicting it upon others) has cost them dearly. They are paying a very high price for living in a culture which continues to wallow in a state of collective denial. Here, survivors speak out on how they remembered:

Joanne, a survivor of generational abuse, states: I was about 12yrs old when I realised what was going on wasn’t “normal” but I never came out and said anything, I was the typical abused kid who acted up, but no-one would believe me when I first tried to say anything at the age of 16yrs. The memories, well some I have always known, generally the more traumatic the event the better recall of them that I have, although there are still some major injuries that I remember having but can’t recall what lead up to the injuries, I know when and where they took place but as to what precipitated the actual injury, I don’t remember.

Ellen, another survivor, did not dissociate her memories: I was in a cult which started in 1994 evolving from alleged apparitions of Mary in this area of the country. These apparitions, called Our Lady of Light, I now believe to be luciferian in nature. There was a visionary who claimed to be receiving messages from Jesus to renew the Church and the world with a particular emphasis on the priesthood. A Jesuit theologian became the spiritual director of this group through messages from Our Lady of Light. I was deeply involved in this cult from it’s inception in 1994 until I was able to escape in June of 1998. I am not DID; but was well on my way by the time I left. I remember feeling as if there were 2 different realities while I was in that cult……… I dared not remember my former life……….. but glimpses would come through at times which I would quickly shut down. It was not until after I left that cult and began healing and studying that I came to the realization of the symbolic satanic rituals involved in this cult. The understanding would come little bits at a time. The depth of the evil was so intense that I could only have tolerated little pieces at a time. If I would have come to a full understanding immediately, I do believe that I would have shattered or died. I knew that I had to keep battling for the truth. It was through the struggle to sift out the truth from the lie that I came to the understanding of the nature of the evil of the group.
Children as well as adults have remembered abuse: Vicky, a 15 year old, shares: I had bad dreams at night. I would dream that I was going somewhere and things happened, but the next morning, everything was normal. I didn’t really start remembering until I went to be with my Mom, when she got out, and it was safe. They don’t let you remember, you get hurt if you do. I didn’t want to get hurt. I started remembering, and inside people started sharing stuff. But most of the time, I try to ignore it. I’m busy at school, and being a teenager. It happened, but I try not to think about it. Except at night I get scared because then I can’t help but think about it. That’s when my Mom and Dad would wake me up, they were all cold and impersonal, and get me and my brother out of bed to go to a meeting. I have trouble sleeping at night, I keep waking up all night to make sure I’m safe and at home even now.

When confronted with the possibility that ritual abuse may occur, one of the first questions people ask is: “But if it’s real, why aren’t they caught?”. In other words, how can an organized society meet and execute rituals in secret, yet not leave any incriminating evidence which may lead to a conviction? How can such secrecy possibly be maintained in this day and age? Surely they would leave behind a ‘trail’ that would alert others as to what was happening.
I will address these questions from my own experience with one cultic group and also provide a link to articles about other ritually abusive groups who HAVE been ‘caught in the act’ and subsequently convicted in court. I would first, however, like to discuss one other secret society that has continued to operate in the US since the early 1920s (approx.). A secret society that commits acts of brutality including not only physical beatings, but also cold blooded murder. A criminal group that engages in a variety of illegal activities. An organization with members who are born into it and thus can be termed ‘generational’. One who prior to the 1970s enjoyed the official FBI position of non-existence, despite those who were reporting its reality (sounds much like ritual abuse today!). I am referring, of course, to ‘La Cosa Nostra’ aka ‘The Mafia’.

In ‘Who Is The Mob Today?’ (2/25/1996), Peter Maas quotes FBI Director Louis J.Freeh admitting the terrible past mistake made by the FBI in rejecting accounts of the Mafia’s existence: For decades under the late J. Edgar Hoover, the FBI’s official position was that the existence of Cosa Nostra was a myth. “We cannot allow the same kinds of mistakes to be made today”, Freeh told Congress. “The failure of American law enforcement, including the FBI… permitted the development of a powerful, well-entrenched organized crime syndicate (that required) 35 years of concerted law-enforcement effort and the expenditure of incredible resources to address.”

The current ‘official’ position of the FBI is that organized, secretive societies that ritually abuse and participate in illegal activities do not exist, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. The bureau appears to have a consistent track record in this department.

What kind of evidence? Ritual abuse does occur and is being successfully prosecuted in courts today, despite the claims of those who deny this fact. Evidence such as pentagrams and assorted paraphernalia IS being found in many of these instances. The following URL is an excellent link to such cases and I would strongly encourage anyone interested in learning more about the reality of ritual abuse to visit this site. It is an eye-opener.

Survivor memories: More and more survivors are coming forward and sharing memories of ritual abuse. These accounts are specific in terms of dates, times, individuals present and events which transpired. Such disclosures have been made by both children and adults from around the world.

How security is maintained: One group’s methods

In the remainder of this article I will share my knowledge of how one group operated its internal security in order to prevent detection. I cannot speak of other groups or their security measures. As previously stated, I was a member of the Illuminati for the first 38 years of my life, spanning from 1957 to 1995. Based on this experience I will now discuss exactly how security was maintained both in Northern Virginia and San Diego, Ca.

1. Telephone Tree: General meetings were scheduled by the leadership council well in advance (usually several months) during their private meetings. In turn, these dates were then given to ranking leaders in the group who, several days prior to a meeting, would activate a telephone tree. Higher members first called their peers, then those beneath them in the group hierarchy. Those at the lowest level were notified just one night before the meeting date, since they were considered ‘higher security risks’.

2. Conditioning To Remain Silent: From the age of 24 months, ALL children in the group were taught the importance of not discussing group activities during the daytime. Teaching methods included ‘set-ups’, in which a member ‘told’ and was then ‘punished’ by the administration of torture. Set-ups were designed to look very realistic, with the ‘betrayer’ loudly screaming throughout his ‘punishment’ – which may have included drowning, burning or even murder. This graphic experience of what happened to those who ‘tell’, served as an unforgettable lesson to young children.

Other methods included beating the child if he spoke of night-related activities in the daytime. The adults around the child also modeled this behaviour by NEVER discussing night activities the following morning. If the child mentioned something he would be told “you were dreaming” and to “forget it”. Severe and brutal physical punishment of children was also used. Set-up scenarios such as fake burials, where the child is then retrieved from a coffin and told he will stay below ground forever should he even think of talking about group activities was done. I was put through that scenario as a young child and in turn, as an adult, saw it perpetrated upon young children. The child is always screaming and swears to never ever tell.

3. Expert Clean-up Crews: Many rituals involving murder were set-ups (no, the cult was not murdering its children – however they did create very realistic set-ups that had powerful psychological effects on the children present). More commonly, an animal was used during spiritual rituals (as I will discuss in another article, there were many other kinds of meetings. Spiritual was but one of six areas of group activities, the others being military, sciences, scholarship, leadership and government). Members were trained in post-meeting clean-up techniques from childhood. Wooden tables were taken apart, bleached,cleaned and then loaded into vans. Clothes were folded in preparation for laundering later. If the site was outdoors then the area was raked clean. If inside a large private home then the site was thoroughly washed down.
4. Restriction Of Meeting Size: In order to avoid overly large meetings, the San Diego group was divided into 24 sister groups (each approx. 60 members) that met on alternating days at alternating sites. Some groups met on Mondays and Thursdays, others on Tuesdays and Fridays, and yet others on Wednesdays and Saturdays. Usually two groups (occasionally three) would meet together at one site. Only at major annual meetings would large numbers congregate. As mentioned above, meeting times were coordinated by telephone trees.

5. Clandestine Times: Meetings were held between 12:30am and 2:00am and on occasion were extended to 4:00am. Traffic would be light. Members often lived in communities where everyone was a member of the group (oh yes, there are ‘cult communities’ because like attracts like, and often whole neighborhoods are comprised exclusively of cult members). People would leave quietly in the night, with car lights off until they were out on the street. The adult non-driver would be the ‘watcher’, checking that they were not being followed.

Each family had a cover story to be used in the event of an outsider catching them leaving. Typically the story would involve an urgently hospitalized relative, which would satisfactorily explain the lateness of the hour and the presence of small children . Normal clothes were worn enroute to the meeting and people would change once on-site. In my family we would sometimes go to sleep in our clothes, which saved time when we got up in the middle of the night. I never considered it unusual to go to bed in my clothing two or three nights a week.

6. On-site Security: The group had several security perimeters around meetings. The first checkpoint (outermost perimeter) was at the five mile mark. There were always at least two roads leading into the meeting site and both would be manned by members possessing a list of approved license plate numbers. All vehicles (incoming and outgoing) were checked. Vehicle flow was minimized as families often car pooled. In the event of an unauthorized vehicle breaching the perimeter, a hidden security person (they would stand behind a tree, watching) would radio ahead and the meeting was immediately packed-up and the people quickly dispersed. Meanwhile, the incoming vehicle would be delayed by the non-hidden security who would pretend to be stranded and in need of assistance. They were taught how to engage the outsider for several crucial minutes. If that ploy failed then they would alert the next perimeter where logs would then be positioned to block the roadway. Of the three-man security team, one would be responsible for alerting members while the other two executed delaying tactics if required.

This security procedure was repeated at both the three mile and one mile perimeters, meaning members had to pass through a total of three checkpoints before arriving at the meeting. To avoid boredom or staleness, security members were rotated on a bi-monthly basis.
Often, on private property, indoor meetings or trainings would occur on large multi-acred estates appointed with securely fenced perimeters. The site would be located in a downstairs basement which could be closed-off from the rest of the house by a false wall. These estates usually had at least one private roadway at the rear and the customary security perimeters in place. As you may by now appreciate, it would be extremely difficult to ‘crash a meeting’ considering the security measures utilized by the group. Given that an outsider was able to discover the time and date of a meeting, he would then have to travel in a vehicle with approved plates. Short of breaking the law, this would require the cooperation of an active group member (which is quite difficult to arrange as they are taught to report to their leader anything like this).

The above has been shared with police departments and they have said that I describe a “highly sophisticated security system”. It is the only one I ever knew while part of this group.

What about the bodies? As mentioned above, the reality is that many of the ‘ritual killings’ (although not all) were set-ups. Fake. Some involved filling a corpse (obtained prior to the ritual) with warm blood. The child would be allowed to play with a living infant before a ceremony, then the switch would be made while the child was in a room ‘preparing’.

Children NEVER question set-ups (they are too frightened) and truly believe they actually killed someone. The group wants them to believe this because the perpetrator guilt will then bind the child to them, and make it less willing to disclose group activities. The child is told it is now a murderer and will go to jail should it ever talk about the meetings. There are real ritual killings, but I believe that set-ups inflate the figures somewhat. Homeless people, and runaways were also used on rare ocassions.

At times animals are used, however they usually belonged to group members. When living in San Diego I had four cats and three dogs mysteriously ‘disappear’ as well as most of my chickens (I lived in the country). These pets were undoubtedly used in ceremonies. After that I quit having pets – the trauma was too great. Goats, chickens, cattle and deer are all used on occasion. The carcasses are are subsequently torn-up, buried or thrown to the dogs in order to make the killings appear to have been done by wild dogs. Sometimes the skins are incinerated and the ashes buried.

It is not my intention to be gruesome. I am merely attempting to explain the mechanics of how this group maintained its secrecy. No doubt other groups use different methods.
>In closing, I would like to offer a comparison upon which to ponder. The Mafia, comprised of thousands of members and openly killing people, maintained its secrecy for over fifty years in the US. Today nobody doubts their existence, yet those same people question that other groups could successfully remain secret. Secrecy is not difficult. The Mafia used their own code of silence – ‘Omerta’. The Illuminati cult also maintains its own silence to this day.

copywrite 2000 svali